It was a sunny, beautiful Saturday when my boyfriend and I got dragged into an orgy. Well, the orgy happened at night and we didn’t exactly get dragged, but it was definitely a surprise. A pleasant surprise. Kind of like getting a little cookie with your coffee order. Sweet, tasty and just a little bit of extra fun.
So get this. We’re out having oysters, Prosecco, expensive Italian cheese - a feast for the ages. Nothing special, just a new restaurant opened up and we decided to go check it out for lunch. Innocent enough. We’re just about to order round three when our flatmate Sam calls us and says he’s out with his latest squeeze just up the road. My boyfriend Kyle and I exchange glasses, finish our drinks and decide to snake our way up to meet our mate. We wanna meet his new tail.
We live in an area which has plenty of drink options and on our journey, we drop in to about five of them to whet our whistles. Hello sailor.
Shots of patron. Espresso martinis. Some gin and tonics all ensure we’re making crude jokes to the bartenders and giving each other oral sex in the bathroom. I’ll skip over this story cos it’s not the main event but let’s just say we are well lubricated. Pardon the pun.
We arrive at the pub to meet Sam and sure enough, he’s having a quiet one just watching the footy and pashing his missus. Not for long, buddy boy.
“Hey Sam,” I say, “round of wet pussies?”
The shots get delivered to us on a tray by a handsome bartender who gives us a little raise of the old eye brow as he puts down the delights on our table.
“To new friends!” we toast gayly.
Now that I look back on the night I guess it had all the markings of cross-partner sex but I guess I was just a little too excited to see it.
About four rounds of wet pussies later - the shots, steady on - we burst out of the pub and start making our way home. A bottle of vodka and some spiced rum sneak their way into our acquaintance and we arrive back to our beloved abode to watch the footy and keep drinking.
TV on with the game, music blaring and the boys glued to the screen, me and Sam’s new chic, Shaylee, are pouring shots for everyone in the kitchen.
Look, I’m not gonna lie. I did take my top off and was dancing around in my black lacy bra. Well, it was more like a crop top but you get the point.
This is kind of where the sausage starts to sizzle.
So I’m grooving around, throwing the maddest shapes of the night when suddenly, Shaylee comes over and starts dancing with me, hands all over my half dressed body. Ok. So what. Girls do this all the time right?
Slowly, the boys stop paying attention to the game. Eyes on us. We’re dancing. Some kind of unintelligible pop music blasts from our Google home but we’re on a different level. My eyes are fixed on this chick.
She does a little swirl and sort of takes her top off. Did everyone just see that? She’s got a little look in her eye and I know there’s a fire that’s been lit. She grabs my face and starts to kiss me, long and hard and I feel like the ground unsteady underneath me.
When we unclutch, the boys are gathered around us, eyes glossy with greed but a look which says go on. She pulls off my bra and takes hers off as well.
For some reason I am now dancing almost naked with a girl I met about two hours ago, as she keeps coming in to kiss me. The boys are lurking on the side but it’s obvious they want to get involved.
I can’t remember who it was but someone leads someone else into the bedroom and this is where things get spicy. I won’t describe the intimate details cos you’ll need to go to r/gonewildstories for that but let’s just say it was very Roman. At one point we had swapped partners and were just fornicating on the same mattress, arms, limbs and moans bouncing around the walls.
We emerged with laughter and scrambled into the kitchen for more shots.
The night was not over my friends.
It kept going like this for a while until we realised we were hungry and ordered kebabs. Delicious, delicious food babies to cradle and scoff down, rejoicing in the richness of the flavours.
Our party ended around 2am when we played Closer by NIN and slumped into our own beds, exhausted, exhilarated and slightly bruised.
I suspect, like most good things, that orgies sort of lurk up and surprise you. Completely unplanned. One minute you’re enjoying a cultural conversation with a view and a white napkin, the next you’ve got some chick’s puss in your face and nothin’ but a hangover in the morning. Still, better than your average night, right?